Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
