last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
