Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
