the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
