I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize