I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
