i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
