That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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