The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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