At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How does one acquire holy water?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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