i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
