Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
