i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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