I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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