i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
