Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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