Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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