Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
