yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
