i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
