mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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