so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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