turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my liver is dry heaving
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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