your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
