we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
