If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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