Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
