he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
