Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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