I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
