I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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