the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
