Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
