Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
