Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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