I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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