I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
