ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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