oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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