guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
