That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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