we're blogging at a bar
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize