Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize