Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
