I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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