from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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