she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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