anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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