So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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