i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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