I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
