i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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