There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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