im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
