All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
