he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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