i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
