did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
she smelled like a LAN party
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
