look no pants
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize