If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
