Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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