I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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