What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
