Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Found your dick twin last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
