My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
