1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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