She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
