toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
