I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was like eating out sand paper
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
