I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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