dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize