STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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