I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
