Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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